Hi all. I know I've been a slacker when it comes to keeping up here lately. I started college classes recently in attempt to finish the degree I started before getting swept up in married life and mommy-hood. It's been good, but incredibly challenging to get back in to the swing of college life, especially with adult responsibilities on top. So I'm working on balance, and realizing that I need some down time to relax and to write or I'm going to burn out quickly. So here I am.
Balance has never been easy for me, even before my days of four children and a husband. I tend to jump from one exciting idea to another, easily entranced by anything I find inspiring. School has had my most enchanted attention for the past 3 weeks, while my children have, admittedly, been relegated to "distraction." Sad, I know. Not that I've totally ignored them, only that I'm really struggling with figuring out how to balance this whole thing. My house gets super loud in the Summer anyway: four kids, free to play pretty much all day, not always getting meals on time because of my inability to structure my new adventure, not to mention my own lack of rest and the sibling arguments that are just an indelible part of having everybody home all day every day. Yes, my children are as imperfect as me, only cuter--if that's a word.
So I've been studying logic this week. Oy...talk about brain-stretch. All day long, statements like "If p is true, then q is true.", stream through my consciousness. It seems to not matter what I'm doing. Even before I opened my eyes this morning, "If this is true, then this is true." Then, in those waking moments, it dawned on me, "If my children are behaving in a negative way (n), then they are most likey emulating my example (e)." What has been simmering beneath the surface for days, what I have seen reflected in my children lately and been frustrated to know how to deal with, surfaced in the Conditional Statement: n-->e or If n is true, then e is true.
This whole realization is bittersweet. (It makes me feel like crying; and I do...it's just my way. Like writing, the way I make sense of the world, crying is how I feel it. I laugh too, but that just doesn't seem fitting for this instance.) It's bittersweet--bitter in it's scathing review of my behavior lately, sweet in it's discovery and application.
Humility is freeing, because it's truth. It brings us back to square one. For me, that means no matter how many other things I have going in my life, this is more important.
Last week I was studying Set Theory, another math concept that crept up on me and pounced. I had no idea math would impact my spirit so severely. Set theory is all about clearly defined items grouped together. If My Family is the universal set (u), then my husband and I--as parents {p} --are a subset of the universal set, My Family. My children {c} are another subset of My Family. u={p, c} I could come up with many more combinations of well-defined subsets of the universal set, My Family, but these are all I need. Where the truth lies is in how these subsets intersect in My Family. {p ∩ c} = {p,c}. I know, mathematically it doesn't make sense. Mathematically, {p ∩ c} should = Ø. But the truth is, in the real world, it works differently than that. This set isn't so rigidly defined. Sometimes, I feel very much like a child, and I cannot begin to count the times my children have parented me, been my teachers. Sometimes it just comes down to p<-->c. And the set definitions start to melt together; we are no longer bound by narrow definitions. The universal set becomes All That Is.
That's how humility works. It brings us all back to square one, makes us realize that we're all here together, to grow, to learn, to love and to be loved. And that's the most important thing.
And that's my Logic/Set Theory lesson for today.
love,
R
who are you,little i
16 years ago
