Oliver Bingo

We almost bought a new flat panel tv yesterday. We brought this home instead:
We drove through snow and freezing rain for about 2 hours to get this little guy. He's an eight week old beagle/bichon frise mix. His fur is medium length, very soft and fluffy.
Just before my husband walked out the door to go buy the t.v., I said "What about a puppy?" The kids have been asking for a puppy for a long time. Most of the more hypoallergenic breeds run 5-6 hundred dollars...more than we wanted to pay. I had looked at bichon frices before. They are cute, friendly, good-natured little dogs and the right fur for allergies (a necessity in our house). So I hopped on the internet and took a quick look just to see what was out there (something I've been doing off and on for months now). On my very first search, this little guy came up in a litter with his brothers and sisters, $200 a puppy. It didn't take us long to decide to make the drive to pick up this little one.

His name is Oliver Bingo.

Thankful Thursday: Just what I need...

"All is perfect, so perfectly perfect!

Whatever being lives, moves

And breathes on Earth

At every level from atom

To galaxy is absolutely perfect in its place..."

The Principal Upanishads

Yes, Thankful Thursday is back. I meant to write this yesterday, it just didn't happen...the day started out good but some tumultuous emotions overcame me a bit during my breadbaking and gravy making. I just wasn't composed enough to write a TT post.

This has been a difficult year for me. In the midst of personal loss...the loss of some very important relationships, I have had to wade my way through many questions and feelings. Yesterday brought those feelings to the surface again. Sometimes I deal well with them, other times I melt. It's honestly hard for me to write about this and I've admittedly avoided it but I can't do that today because I'm feeling too grateful.

I'm grateful because I know that everything I experience in life is exactly what I need to grow as a spiritual being. If I succeed, my spirit is enlarged and I am deeply grateful for God's wisdom working in me. If I fail, I have a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow. It's all so good...so perfect.

None of this means life is going to be easy. We all face trials...some more than others. We are all at different places with different needs, different lessons to learn and challenges to grow from. I am thankful to see this journey as perfect, the people I travel with as just who I need close to me and each experience, joyful or painful, exactly what I need to go through.

And I have to add that I am so unbelievably blessed to share this journey with my husband...who is just the person I've always needed, and four radiant souls who fill my days with light.

Letter Writing and Finding my way

I used to write lots of letters. Long letters...epic letters. Besides journaling, letter writing has probably been the most prolific outlet for my inner-writer over the years. Unfortunately, even I seldom write letters anymore. Mostly, the convenience of e-mail wins out over the art of handwritten notes. Not that I don't feel remorse over it--I do. It's just the way life is these days. Occasionally though, sentimentality takes over and some dear friend gets a letter, usually with a nostalgic intro about friendship, passing time, autumn leaves or the forgotten art of letter writing. Sometimes I send the letter, sometimes I don't and then it works it's way into something else I'm working on. For what it's worth...I think it's a sign that I need to get my writing self in gear...a desperate grasping for that little buzz word-lovers get out of well crafted prose or poetry.

For about three weeks now I've been exploring the idea of going back to school. I almost did it. It all started with a little inquiry into the nursing program at our local career college...just out of curiosity, not something that I imagined would happen in the next few years. But before I knew it, I was registered and about a week away from enrolling in winter classes. My mother-in-law had generously offered to help with the little ones while I attended classes and studied. A nurses wages would easily pay off our loans in 3 or so years if I went to work after graduating (granted I made it into the program which is pretty competitive, only accepting 30 students twice a year.) Our thoughts were for the future of course...getting me a marketable degree...save for the kids education. The possibilities were exciting, the challenge of something new was intriguing. But along with the nervous doubt in my gut that accompanied the excitement, I started hearing myself saying interesting things whenever I talked about this new endeavor...things like, "If I could do what I really wanted..." Then at conferences both of my children's teachers commented on their impressive journal and story writing. Hmmmn...I love to hear this...I heard myself say, "I'm a writer," almost more to myself than to them. My doubt was growing. But everything fell through one night as I was sitting on the couch nursing Ruby after the other kids were in bed. I looked down at her and something snapped. I started to cry. This is where I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing. What an awesome opportunity I have to be here with them, my little ones, for such a short time. I don't want to take it forgranted.

Last night my husband confirmed my feelings. So here I am...back in the moment. Being a mom...and a writer. This place is the very place we need to be...what we are experiencing is exactly what we need to grow through. There's love and joy but there's also pain and frustration. It's all ours to embrace and learn from...expanding in spirit with every step. This is good...it's perfect, just what we need.

Maybe I'll pick up letter writing again.

Back to Blogging

Hi everyone! My big kids are back in school...my little ones nap in the morning, I'm ready to starting blogging again. Yay! I thought I'd start with this list for today...10 random things about me. (this would be a fun one to continue adding to in the future.)

1. I love the poetry of mystic saints.
2. I basically like hugging trees, flowers, ladybugs, blades of grass and hollyhocks, plus many other natural things.
3. I love Indian food and Indian music.
4. I love hot tea, especially earl grey...for the flavor, the comfort and the aesthetics of a dainty, aromatic cup of tea in my hand. {Aesthetics (also spelled esthetics) is a branch of philosophy, a species of value theory or axiology, which is the study of sensory or sensori-emotional values, sometimes called judgments of sentiment and taste. Aesthetics is closely associated with the philosophy of art.)--Wikipedia} ---I do get a little emotional about my tea.
5. I watch "That's So Raven" on Saturday mornings with my kids.
6. I want to be a writer when I grow up.
7. I miss riding my little blue bike to West street to sit on the curb and watch the sunset. I don't see the sunset very often anymore. (maybe I should ride my bike to Kelli's.)
8. I love, love, love words.
9. I'm a vegetarian and I like tofu.
10. I love to read out loud.

Okay, your turn, blogger-friends...just for fun (and so we can know you better) write a blog with 10 random facts about you!

Organic Gardening...and one last farewell...

My flowers that need care are the little blossoms in my own home and in myself...and those at last in my community whom I am honored to touch in my everyday life also.

On Selective Watering:

"...please, please don't water the seeds of anger, intolerance, irritation, or despair in me. And I promise not to water these seeds in you. I know that you also have negative seeds, and I'll be very careful not to water these seeds in you, because I know if I do, you'll be very unhappy. And then I will suffer also. I vow only to water the positive seeds in you--the seeds of love, compassion, and understanding." Anger, Thich Naht Hanh, pg. 74

"One hour of watering the flower in the other person can make him or her begin to bloom. It is not so difficult to do." Anger, Thich Naht Hanh, pg. 75

On Organic Composting:

"If you don't have garbage, you have nothing to use in order to make compost, you have nothing to nourish the flowers in you. You need the sufferings, the afflictions in you. Since they are organic, you know that you can transform them and make good use of them...you will smile at both the flower and garbage in you, you will embrace both." Anger, Thich Naht Hanh, pg. 69


I am letting go this attachment to focus on my garden...the beautiful souls I have been blessed to share this life with.

If you want to reach me I will always respond to comments I see delivered to my email!

Farewell...and God's richest blessings...............

Ruthie

good bye for now...

Dear Loved Ones

I have to say good bye for now

I have flowers to water

and compost to make

pretty fishy

Here's the jewel discovering our fishy's with the aid of a handy sit n' spin placed a little too close to the aqaurium...yes I held my breath while taking this picture. :)

Thankful Thursday: Candles...

and marshmallows and graham crackers and chocolate. yum.

Thankful Thursday: My Sweetheart

Today my Sophie graduated from kindergarten. Papa took the morning off to attend the festivities. The program was adorable, but it was the sweet moments caught on camera afterwards that I will always remember: Watching Sophie throw her arms around her Papa's neck with such a delighted sparkle in her eye was enough to make time freeze for a moment. It is overwhelmingly obvious that my children are crazy about their Papa...and so am I.

I am so thankful to be married to my favorite person in the whole world.

Kindness Matters

I don't know who she was but her face has been stuck in my head for the past hour now.

A couple weeks ago I vowed that I would never take all of my kids shopping with me at once again. It wasn't that bad of an experience...I mean, we've had worse. But for some reason we seemed to have been quite a sight on our last grocery trip because we got an incredible amount of comments. Comments like "Wow, you are a brave woman," and of course, "Are they all yours?" I have four children and I am often told that I don't look old enough to have four children. I am. Four children does not seem like a huge family to me, I am one of six siblings and my oldest sister has eight. (That does seem like a huge family.) I occasionally get comments on my size. At our yard sale an older lady was looking at a size 4 dress I was given that was just too big for me (it was a big 4). She said, "These are all your children and you can wear a size four? Congratulations!" Thanks for the skinny genes, Dad. Anyway, one of the ladies in the grocery store that day could not seem to get over my little gang. She kept going on and on, talking to others, saying things like, "Geeze, that's not for me." In the check out line when someone again congratulated me for my bravery to bring them all shopping with me, I responded, "You do what you have to do. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to." Needless to say, by the end of my shopping experience, I was drained and a little bit weary of my kiddos, who really were behaving quite well, considering my non-chipperness. So we got home and I said never again (which I fully knew was an unrealistic declaration).

My point, after the lengthy digression, is this: Kind words make a world of difference. I cannot begin to tell how my life has been altered by people who have taken the time to offer kind words, words of encouragement, words of affirmation. I can still see her face. I was at the grocery store today with the whole gang, bagging my groceries, dealing with hungry, tired children, in the most compassionately firm way possibly while bagging groceries and holding a wiggly 10 month old at the same time. She came right up to me and looked me in the eyes. She said, "You deserve great appreciation." That's all. I stopped, a little stunned. I said, "Thank you." I wish I had said much more, but really, I was a bit overwhelmed at a complete stranger offering so rich and sincere word of kindness to me that for a moment I was at a loss. Then she was gone. I hope I see her again. I would tell her how much her simple act of kindness meant to me and how I will remind myself again to be aware of others around me and to offer myself in that same way...even if it's just a kind or encouraging word.

My life has been affected again and again by thoughtful strangers and aquaintances who have taken the time to compliment or encourage me as a mother. We all need affirmation, to know we're doing a good job, to know it's going to be okay, to know we're not alone. When something like this happens in my life it makes me realize once again that I am a part of something much bigger.

What if we all took the time to be aware of the needs of others around us (at home and away) and learned to be liberal with kindness?