Read this while I weep

Your Mother

My mother puts me
in her warm hands
and I smile.
I love her
more than the world.

She is the one
with the warm smile
always on her face.

She is the one
to smile deeply
until you
smile deeply too.

I hug her
and she hugs me back.
I feel as if
there was magic
in the air,
and there is;
it is the magic
of love.


Sophia wrote this for me last night while I ranted about my girls' messy messy room. Need I say more?

Thankful Thursday: blog deficit and everyone

I probably should be in the kitchen right now washing dishes, which are legion. After a morning of errands and snow flurries, all I want to do is get my little ones a warm meal and have some quiet time, reading and writing and sitting.

The 30 posts in 30 days experiment has been interesting. Between both blogs, I have been posting fairly consistently, but certainly not everyday! No pressure, though. One thing I have noticed is that I am definitely more concerned with worthwhile content than posting everyday. Perhaps my enthusiasm has waned or maybe I've just found a better way.

The past several months have been an interesting journey into authenticity...something I definitely want to explore on a deeper level. My writing outside of the blogosphere has evolved and pulled me in. Other artists and relationships have been an increasing inspiration. I am discovering more about myself and the fascinating connections within humanity as a whole, how we communicate, learn, grow together and from each other, how we all need each other.

One of the most beautiful quotes I have read on the topic lately is from Allison Mack's Blog:

“Compassion is the emotional glue that keeps you rooted in the universality of the human experience, as it connects you to your essence and to the essence of those around you. It is the act of opening your heart”

What a pressing role compassion plays in the expansion and maturing of the human soul. How deeply the connection and empathy we feel toward others effects us individually and as a whole, finding that our inward experiences are not so different, finding that whatever our earthly existence, the essence of our being relates deeply with the experience of others, even in our vast differences. This compassion, this connection, could change the world.

My un-done list.

Today I
didn't
make
the bed.

I
made the coolest fort.
ever.

Today I
didn't
fold
the last load
of laundry.

I
wrote something funny
with my son.

Today I
left dishes
in
the sink.

I
called
a far away
friend.

Today I
didn't blog.

I
sat on the couch
and laughed with Someone
and ate
peppermint bark.

Labels

I've always liked the time before dawn
because there's no one around to remind
me who I'm supposed to be,
so it's easier to remember who I am
~Brian Andreas

Don't we label ourselves, dear ones, with small labels? At any given moment, I am just as much Girl Washing Dishes as I am Girl Dancing With Baby. My ego revels in and clings to labels...labels like writer, artist, mother, wife. Deep down I know there is no difference...doing the dishes is just as sweet, just as good as writing poetry.

Moment by moment, life's transient nature is unveiled in the revelation of my “selfs.” This is where I begin to move, unattached to any one particular story of “me.” Here it is, the most beautiful, joyful place I have ever been, and then I realize that every moment is the play, every experience is exactly what I need to grow through. I melt into the action of washing a spoon, feeling the slipperiness of the suds and dish cloth over the surface, shiny, clean. I look into the utensil and am aware suddenly of the wonder in this moment, the ecstatic joy of holding such beauty in my very hand...and my hand so gracefully holding the spoon, plunging it beneath the water, rinsing the soap away...only silvery reflection. I am the Washer Of Spoons, I am the spoon.

My 2-year-old runs into the kitchen calling for me, tugging on my pant leg. I swing her up, knowing that her smile and laughter will break through. The spoon moment is gone and I am transformed into Mother....Mother with Child. Shimmering spoon no longer exists, I am in a new moment...the next now.

Small labels are sweet, dear ones, embrace them, love them, but do not cling to them. At this moment, I am Girl Sitting At Table With Coffee. My ego says, Writer....I am Writer...desperately clinging. This is a label I am stubborn with. This is a label that keeps me from loving “Girl Doing Dishes.” At times, it even keeps me from loving “Mother Playing With Children” and “Mother Singing Lullabies.” It is the label that keeps me identifying with this personality everyone calls “Ruthie.” I love it, but just like the spoon, it must sink below the surface and surrender to the waves of the moment by moment transience of life.

(This is an excerpt from a book project I'm working on, the one that's writing me.)

One little Voice

It's been one week and already I'm finding this 30 posts in 30 days idea dragging a bit. I guess I deserve a little grace considering I'm actually doing double duty...60 posts in 30 days between the two blogs. I'm one of the countless minuscule voices in the blogosphere...nevertheless, a voice. Every voice counts, even if heard by few.

There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.
~Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance

A Song by Sophie

Sophie wrote this song for me. At the top of the page she added her version of the musical notations, influenced I'm guessing from music class at school. I love this. Here are the words:

If you think so slow

and it's sunny and slow

you better be happy

where you are

and bow down

beneath the air

hold your breath

for a second or more

hope you enjoy

what God gives you

on this earth.

~Sophie~

(7 yrs.)

Thankful Thursday: Blank Pages

A few days ago my oldest daughter, Sophie, walked past me with a funny smile. She was holding a totally white piece of printer paper in her hand. What struck me about her smile was that is seemed totally real, unforced, in fact the opposite, the kind of smile that breaks out from an uncontrollable burst of happiness. She looked straight at me and blurted out with the smile, "A piece of blank paper makes me feel so happy!"

I love that...totally. love. it. Have you ever felt that way, I mean so happy about something that you just had to let it pour out? I'm feeling happy about blank pieces of paper today too.

Here's to 30 days worth.

30 posts in 30 days

My hubby is starting his master's degree program this week so I decided to throw myself into a new endeavor too. Not quite so industrious but notable none the less, for me. I'm dedicating myself to a month of daily blogging with hopes of creating a more consistent routine in my writing...and just for fun. My hopes are to blog both here and at A Path to My Woods daily during the month of November. I know it's a challenge, but one I'm looking forward to.

In light of a personal pursuit for inspiration in my daily life and in my art, I've decided to focus my blogs in that direction for the month. My Woods is, of course, mostly a picture of my family and home life, while A Path to My Woods is the inner journey, both wrapped up in my passion for living artfully. They are intertwined, and yet I felt compelled to make two separate blogs, mostly for my own exploration.

Please come back and read, my friends. I love your input...humor my questions and inspire me!