I'm sitting in the dark listening to a mid-winter thunderstorm, eating Honeynut Cheerios by the handful and drinking camomile tea. Today, the lovely Spring-like weather brought us out for a walk. Sarah held her little sister's hand and helped me with Oliver's leash. The sense of pure joy and contentment was inspiring and sweet. As we were walking, she announced that when she grows up she wants to be a Leash Holder For Oliver, a Dentist, and a Rock Star. My child has big dreams. I always love hearing proclamations like these. Sophie had quite an impressive list when she was about this age, too. Now she just wants to be a teacher, a swimming teacher, and a mom. But she tells me that when she's dancing she feels really free. I've seen her dance and I believe her. I hope that whatever she becomes when she grows up that she never stops dancing...that they never stop being true to themselves....and living fully in the moment.
Somewhere along the line, on our way to growing up we seem to lose that quality of being completely present, totally wrapped up in the moment...the now. We learn how to multitask. We moms are the best at it...we pride ourselves in being able to nurse the baby, do the dishes and talk on the phone while listening to our ipod all at the same time! My problem is that I find all my multitasking causes what I call Severe Ditzy-ness Disorder. Meaning, I am so distracted by all the different things I have going on at once that nothing gets done well and I find myself walking around the house saying to myself, "Now, what was I going to do?" This becomes a mantra that I repeat throughout the day. Something pops into my mind in the middle of the laundry and I am instantly wandering around the house in a daze trying to figure out what it was I was headed off to do. Later, I return to the laundry to find the doors open with wet clothes hanging precariously between the washer and dryer. I am convinced that SDD is common, particularly among mothers of young children.
This post may be the perfect example.
I sat down with Sarah, this morning after our walk, to do a reading lesson with her. One of the words on her reading list today was 'hate.' Yes, that lovable word that rhymes with 'ate,' another word in the list. She read both of them with enthusiasm and offered a contextual sentence for each word. I don't remember the sentence for 'ate,' but I couldn't forget the one she made for 'hate.' Sarah sounding out: "h-a-te." Sarah reading the fast way:"hate." Sarah offering her mastery of comprehension, and I quote: "Hate. Like 'You
hate horsey...poop.'"
Yes, yes. I hate horsey poop. As I usually point out to my children, hate is a strong word. So we say, "I don't care for......say.....
horsey poop." or "
Horsey poop is not my favorite." or even "I prefer
something else or other over
horsey poop." Unless of course the feeling really is worthy of the word. Such as, "I hate war." or "I hate genocide" or "I hate landmines and bombs" or "I hate that children in 3rd world countries...and in ours, by the way, are starving tonight." or "I hate that some people have adequate water or clothes or healthcare and others do not." or even "I hate plastic grocery bags and pizza boxes" SDD...see what I mean... horsey poop to politics all in one paragraph. I could go on, but now I'm wandering around trying to figure out how I got here and what I was going to do.
Ahh yes....Dance. Or be a leash-holder....or whatever it is that makes you feel alive. Then learn to put that same awareness and presence into every moment, every task. Live it all....learn, and laugh. That is a worthy goal...one I have not reached, but intend to strive for.
