August has been a month of craziness and exhaustion...and yet, I'm at a blank right now. The kids start school tomorrow so I'm hoping to catch a break, start getting to sleep earlier, rising earlier. We all need some structure in our lives.

Does the end of summer feel this way for everyone? Fall is such a welcome season, a cool breeze, some fresh air...just the thought of it is invigorating. Spring and Fall seem to bring us alive again, offer relief from the extremes of Winter and Summer...a brief interlude of balance.

What I need is a corner....a new view, a fresh perspective, a coming home. Yes. Little by little, excitement for the days ahead creeps in. It's the same weariness I feel at the end of the cold, dark months. Prospects of Spring breathe new life...offer a burst of something new. A corner...a corner home.

Have you ever driven over a hilltop and watched the horizon display the welcome view of home? I have. Some things change over time, but the feeling doesn't. When I moved a thousand miles from my home town, I learned that it really is true...there's no place like home, that place where your heart is at ease. Each place that we make a life has it's own memories, it's own feel. There's no place I'm more comfortable than at home. But now, when we make the trek back to the little town I grew up in, when we come over the hill and see the familiar places of my youth, something happens. Memories and feelings come flooding back. People, places...these are reminders of who I am, where I come from. I must admit, though, when we pull into our driveway at our own house after a very long drive back, the relief and comfort is overwhelming...it's good to be home.

But the corner home I'm looking for now is the one that leads inward, the one that reminds me of my first home...the place I long for most.

LOL

A few days ago, I was trying to herd my crew into bed and discovered my two little girls creating some interesting contraptions in their room. I walked in and they handed me one that they had been testing out on each other. "Mom, we invented a hypnotizing machine!" "Hmmmn," I thought, "This could be useful." The amazing thing was that, for the most part, the machine was a success. I just waved it over Sophie's head and chanted, "To bed I said, 'til morning lights upon your head!" And sure enough, she went to bed, giggling. Sarah, however, only responded to Samuel's hypnotizing, sooo....no such luck. Instead, I got a lot of silly dancing until I finally convinced Sam to send her off to bed. :)

Today over dinner, I asked my four-year-old, "How are you feeling today, Sarah?" Her totally straight-faced response, "I feel like a moose is eating me."

In the van, after a quick trip out in our jammies to return some rented videos, I mentioned that Grandma is coming over tomorrow so we can do something fun together. Sophie piped up from the backseat, "Hey, maybe we'll play some poker!" You must understand that neither Luke nor I have a clue how to play poker...and I'm pretty sure Grandma doesn't either. LOL

Have a cheerful day, loved ones!!

The One That Is Writing Me

Perusing the writing section at Borders recently, I came across an interesting looking book, one of the who-knows-how-many written by successfully published writers, for writers like myself. I don't remember the title or the author, but I do remember the first bit of advise: Don't tell ANYONE you are a writer or anything hinting at writing a book. I paused...a little surge of panic. I've been calling myself a writer, out loud, to people...for years. And then, the worst of it. My last blog entry...I announced to the whole world, well, to my very few loyal readers that I was working on a book. Oh geez, I really blew it. This author warned that I should tell no one...not my mother, not my husband or friends, especially not my children, who would roll their eyes in embarrassment. I would mark myself as a crazy dreamer, a fool. I put the book back on the shelf. Too late for that one.

So what about the book I mentioned in my last blog, the one I was meant to write? Let me elaborate, since, apparently, I've already crossed into the dangerous territory of labeling myself as a writer, perhaps I can alienate myself a bit more. The truth is, the book...it really is the one that is writing me. I've never had any serious aspirations to become a published author. Blogging covers that need to be heard pretty fully. Sure, it would be nice to get paid for doing what you love, but the point is, I don't need it...and that is a great feeling. I love my labels: wife, mommy, friend, writer, dishwasher, under-the-cushions-stuff-vaccumer, but I also realize all these things are as transient as the moment. So I love them, but try not to cling to them. Writing is simply how I live...it's been that way for a very long time now. What I experience and how I grow seeps into my writing. And sometimes, even more poignant, the writing is the experience. That's what I'm talking about. I'm not sure I can explain it in any other way. This book that is writing me is one of my crazy, intentional ideas...an adventure in creative non-fiction...an attempt to observe, question, document, and grow as a writer, as a person, all while savoring the words and art of it.

The joy is in the writing, and in walking, and in tickling, and in sipping a hot cup of tea. The joy is in folding blueberries into a bowl of wholegrain muffin batter. The joy, my dears, is in now, and now and now. When I forget, the pool of water pouring off the table ruffles my joy. The moments of quarreling children and tantrums overwhelm me. These moments, too, are the way of it. And these are the ones that are writing me, as I am writing this post.

So there you have it, the dreaming writer's life and the book I was meant to write. Now you can roll you eyes. :)

The One I Was Meant To Write

This morning I'm making pancakes...right this very minute. Isn't that awesome? These words are coming to you straight from my kitchen counter top, in between pancake flips and table-setting. And who, you may ask, is responsible for this wonder of wonders? Someone who thought giving me a little pink laptop computer would help me to "blossom."

Now the kids and I have finished our breakfast, so this Saturday morning calls me and my laptop outside. You know your husband has been mowing the lawn when the kiddy pool is perched awkwardly atop the play fort. I spend many mornings and evenings after the kids are in bed, sitting on the deck or on my front porch with my little computer. Lately, Sunday has become my day out. A few hours to myself is always something to look forward to. I've been dreaming for several years of taking this kind of time for myself, but have had a difficult time pulling myself away, leaving my whole crew to fend for themselves (and also a little nervous about how the house will look when I return.) Once again, the giver of my pink laptop has priorities...I have noticed. Last Sunday, exhausted after returning from vacation, and a little emotionally overwhelmed, I was not in the best of moods. I certainly didn't feel like writing. After a few hours of making myself 'busy' around the house and ranting about why I really don't have time to go, my husband said, "you are going!" and saw me to the door. The funny thing is that I have been talking for years about taking time like this, but when he finally asked me, "What can I do to help you blossom?", I needed his help to get over myself enough to just walk out the door. Honestly, I love being loved by him.

I'm developing an affair, however, with Tim Hortons lattes...he pushed me to it. I tuck my little computer in my backpack and head of for some quiet time. I love sitting with my mug of coffee, soothing music on my ipod, writing away at my table in the corner. It's the book I'm working on...the one I affectionately call, "the one I was meant to write." And it may very well be that, in truth, this is the one...that is writing me.

Thankful Thursday: Sunsets, Children To Watch Them With and Friends Who Inspire Us to Live Our Best

Today I cleaned my house. I cleaned it with enthusiasm and even a hint of joy. Then I sat with my son and listened to him tell me about the first four original Superman comics. At about 8:20 p.m., I loaded my jammie-clad children in the van and chased the sunset west. We found a perfect view, parking on the edge of a dirt road next to a vast sunflower field, just newly blossomed, and watched the sun slip below a distant line of trees. Of course, the mood was interrupted more than once with "I'm thirsty," "I'm hot" and "I want to go home." But we endured, returning home radiant and playful and together.

I love sunsets...they are one of my all-time favorite things. We all want to live like this everyday, fully and freely. What would it be like to live life with open arms and open hearts...to chase sunsets and other spectacular things...to walk in the woods...to smile because you can? I am so so thankful for the dearest of friends who's kind words were enough to inspire the very best in me today. Thank you for remembering who I am even when I forget!

Keep the Field Guide in the Circle!

If you have read the Spiderwick Chronicles or indulged in the movie, like us, you would know the necessity of keeping the Field Guide within the protective circle. It is critical to your survival. My children know this well. In spite of their knowledge of pixies, sprites, trolls, goblins and such, they persist in taking their own copy of Arthur Spiderwick's Field Guide, outside of the barrier...a mistake I myself have warned them about. A few weeks ago, they and the neighbor girls, who are also well aware of the dangers, unwarily carried the Field Guide out of the protective parameters encircling the house. They had taken all the necessary precautions of salting the windowsills and packing plenty of tomato sauce, besides the crackers and honey, but somehow forgot the enchanted circle. I was busy doing dishes when I paused to look out the window, then ran to the back door. "Whatever you do," I yelled, "don't take the Field Guide outside of the circle!" They looked up at me with shocked, somewhat guilty expressions. I actually was hoping to get a laugh out of them. Sophie was the first to confess, "We dropped it in the pool, it's all wet." This was too perfect. I couldn't help but indulge myself in the game, and hopefully salvage it for the kids who were a little down about the shape of the book. "That's what happens," I playfully scolded, "when you take the Field Guide out of the circle. It was the goblins, wasn't it?" They took the bait without skipping a beat, explaining breathlessly and in detail the great struggle that took place between them and the goblins and how the book had finally ended up at the bottom of the inflatable kiddy pool, giggles, sparkling eyes and knowing grins ensuing. The book was gently laid out to dry in the sunshine, happy children, happy mama, savoring the pure joy of make-believe, all still quite certain that we have heard skittering in the walls.

Thankful Thursday: the good stuff

I woke up Wednesday morning at 5:30 am in a tent to Ruby's joyful and surprised exclamation, "Bids sing, Mom! Bids sing songs!" You must understand that those weeks when your child begins to really grasp language are some of the most delightful and entertaining you will ever experience. My littlest jewel is expressing in language the thoughts that have been forming over the past two years...and I am loving getting to know her in this sweet new way! Not only has she informed me on the bird's morning songs, but she has also learned to ask for coc-lac milp, pop-icles, and has warned me in song to "wats out" for "pireman." I am, of course, always diligent to watch out for Spiderman. She is so wise.

Lightsaber Squirrels

I told you something good was coming....

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If you didn't read the squirrel story, you must: That's so Weird

neglectful

Yes, I've been a bit neglectful of my blogs lately. Usually when I start forgetting about my blogs, it is a good sign...a sign that something good is simmering. It's a sign that I am happy and loving now and now and now. Usually. Thankfully, this is one of these times. I'm not ready to write everything down here yet but I do plan to try and keep my Thankful Thursday posts going. Today, I just want to say how thankful I am for certain friends in my life who just "get me," and like me too. That's a great asset and one that makes life sweeter.

"Hang Spring Cleaning!"

"The Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring-cleaning his little home...Spring was moving in the air above and in the earth below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lowly little house with its spirit of divine discontent and longing. It was small wonder, then, that he suddenly flung down his brush on the floor, said "Bother!" and "O blow!" and also "Hang spring-cleaning!" and bolted out of the house without even waiting to put on his coat. Something up above was calling him imperiously....So he scraped and scratched and scrabbled and scrooged, and then he scrooged again and scrabbled and scratched and scraped, working busily with his little paws and muttering to himself, "Up we go! Up we go!" till at last, pop! his snout came out into the sunlight, and he found himself rolling in the warm grass of a great meadow."

~The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame~